Ava Lynn Johnson

Good Morning Baby Girl, Oh how I haven't been able to get you out my head.  Ever time I look at your brother I see you. I know you are in a better place, I just can't help wishing you were with us.  As Easter and Mothers's Day grows closer I just can't help feel a deep ache in my heart because one of my babies is not here.  They say time will heal, but that is not true.  When I see a baby that would be your age, I can't help but wonder what you would be like now.  2 years old!!!oh no terrible two's~!! I would give the world to see you in your terrible 2's.  Just know angel, no matter how busy my life is, I never stop thinging about you!!! Miss you more then ever...your forever broken hearted Mommy <3

My Princess, You would be almost 2 years old now, I can't even believe it!  I thought I wouldn't be able to make it but somehow I have.  How do you go on without one of your children? I still can't answer that question.  Just one moment at a time, I guess.  Not a day that goes by that I am not thinking about you and wishing you were here with me.  I still don't understand why you were taken from us, and I never will.  I just have to believe that it was for a better purpose.  You are soon going to be a big sister baby girl.  Your little brother should be here in about a week and it is just soooo bitter sweet!  I have walked on egg shells and praying that everything goes well.  My angel, you will always hold a special place in my heart.  I wish I could see you, walking around, getting into everything.  Asking why? like your brother and sister did and I bet you would be chasing the dog all over the place!  I know you are in such a better place, but I can't help but wish you were here with me.  Love you always and forever baby girl! XOXO

Holding out these empty arms
Cursing my disillusionment
Why did I imagine it could be any other way
that I could have been content, dreams that’s all it was,
Mothers arms are not meant to be empty
I look up at the sky, tears filling my eyes,
Searching the stars trying to find my angel
The brightest star I search for
Finding it the first tear rolls down my cheek
Memories flood back of our short time together
Love totally encasing my heart as I look at that star
I know you are there baby I will never forget
I just can’t come to accept as I look that you are so far
I would have cuddled and loved you kept you safe
Within my arms holding you in a tight embrace
I will search these skies for you each night
But just for now have to leave you in Gods guiding light
Sleep well my baby one day my arms and heart will be full again
As I join you and give you all that was meant to be

Baby Girl, It has been almost 19 months since you were taken from us.  Not a second in the day goes by that you are not on my mind.  I love you angel, please come visit me in my dreams...Momma Loves you

My Precious Baby Girl,

It has been 1 year and 23 days since God took you home with him, and it feels like just yesterday.  I know you are in a much better place, but I still want you here with me.  Everyday we somehow push ourselves to go on with out you, even though we don't want too. The only think that your Mommy can take comfort in, is knowing that one sweet day I will see you angel.  I know you want us to be happy and I know you are around us all of the time.  Stay close to your brother and sister baby girl.  They miss you more then you could imagine!

Happy Birthday Ava!

Remembering the January angels!

December 31, 2008

Sweet Ava, I will be thinking of you and all the beautiful babies that left us too soon. Come give your mommy lots of your sweet angel kisses so she could receive the new year with a big smile.

Baby Ava & Baby Eli!

Hey Princess, Stay close to your mommy and let her know you are always there, loving her and watching over her.

Hello Princess, Stopping by to wish you a beautiful day in heaven. Always stop by and bless your mommy with your sweet angel love.

Ava Lynn,

Last year at this time your Mommy was so happy.  Oh how in just one year haw my life been torn apart.  I was 7 months prego and we were getting ready to move into our new house!  Little did I know, how everything would turn out.  All the worring I did, were we gonna be moved before you came?  Would we have all the money we needed?  Where would we be for Christmas?  It was for nothing.  Little did I know the one thng I was not worried about was about to be torn from me forever.  I would give up everything I fougt so hard to get if I could just have my baby back!  You were so perfect, I just don't understand.  Every day is a struggle, and everyday I wish for my baby back.  I try so hard, but I hate that this dreaded time of year is approaching so fast.  Your First Thanksgiving, Your First Christmas, Your birthday.  Baby girl, I need you. 

My baby Girl, I wish that you were here with me and not my angel in heaven.  But I guess, there is nothing that will ever change that.  Its hard, as the Holidays get close.  You were suppose to be here, almost a year old for your first Thanksgiving, and Christmas.  I wonder would you look like me or your Daddy?  Would you have beautiful curly hair like your brother and sister did?  Would you be walking?  I bet you would just adore your brother and sister!  And I bet you would be sooo spoiled!!!!  I am sorry baby, that I am selfish and wish you were here.  I know you are in a much better place, I just can't help it.  I miss you, and words cannot express how it is to live on with out you.  I can't wait to hold you in my arms again!!!

Ava,

8 months ago today our whole world as we knew it shattered.  Our baby girl, was gone.  Every day we miss you and every day we struggle to make it through another day with out you.  We will never know why we have to live the rest of our lives with out you.  Baby girl, you have made me a stronger person, and I thank you for that.  Nothing we will ever go through will ever compare to the pain of loosing you.  For that reason, we can make it through anything now.  Ava Lynn just know, that you will live on with us forever and we will never forget you.  For 36 weeks you were ours, then God took you back.  My precious baby girl, I would give the world to see you just once more!!!!

My Little Angel

I felt your presence there inside of me,
nestled soft and warm;
Sweet scent of baby's breath,
precious words left unadorned.

I saw your tiny heartbeat,
then I knew that you were fine;
A perfect baby we created,
one that would be mine.

Then that tragic day it came
there was nothing I could do,
Only wait and hope
for the precious life of you.

Yes in the beginning
your daddy was afraid;
Only he would love you unconditional
and never run away.

He loved you more this I do know,
as he cried for you that day,
When the doctor said that you were gone,
daddy wanted you to stay.

He would have held you close to him,
and see your perfect form,
A gift of daddy's love,
would have kept you safe and warm.

Only now you are an angel over me
beautiful and bare,
My heart would hurt if you cried for me
and mommy was not there.

Still we are together in my heart and memories,
You are still a part of my memory.

Rest gentle now 'sweet baby' there is no pain
you are never alone,
I know you are with the guiding angels
in you peaceful home.

I will come with you someday
only now is not my time,
Then we will be together again
again you will be mine.

Love You Angel xoxo

To My Family

Love Ava Lynn  xoxoxo

Precious Little One
I`m just a precious little one who didn`t make it there.
I went straight to be with Jesus,
but I`m waiting for you here.
Many dwelling here where I live,
waited years to enter in.
Struggled through a world of sorow,
a world marred with pain and sin.
Thank you for the life you gave me,
it was brief but don`t complain.
I have all Heaven`s Glory,
suffered none of earth`s great pain.
Thank you for the name you gave me.
I`d have loved to bring it fame.
But if I`d lingered in earth`s shadows,
I would have suffered just the same.
So sweet family-don`t you sorrow.
Wipe those tears and chase the gloom.
I went straight to Jesus` arms
from my loving Mother`s womb.