Ava Lynn Johnson

"Born into heaven because she was too beautiful for earth"

This memorial website was created to remember our dearest Ava Lynn Johnson who was born in York  PA on January 5, 2008 and passed away on January 5, 2008. You will live forever in our memories and hearts. 
Our baby girl, our lives will never be the same with out you.   

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Forgotten? - Never

 

 

 

 

   

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

To My Family 

 Time has taken me from you,
Although not very far.
I'll be watching through the sunshine
And through the brightest star.

I'll be watching all of you,
From the heavens up above.
So take good care of each other
And carry all my love.

If you're ever wondering
If I'm there, here's where you can start.
Take a look inside yourself
Deep within your heart.

I'll always be your baby,
Your child (grandchild, and sister), your best friend.
So anytime you need me,
Close your eyes I'm back again.
Love, Ava

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
Someone Is Missing

 

 

Someone is missing from our dinner table,
from our bedroom and our home.
Someone is missing from holiday celebrations,
family vacations and everywhere in between.
Someone is missing from our lives,
Our littlest one is gone.
She will not have birthday parties, graduations, or celbrations.
We will miss her throughout eternity
and our family will never be complete.
Someone is missing, yet we go on.
Our lives are touched by her.
Changed forever by her brief existence.
Her memory we keep alive.
She lives only in our hearts and minds,
We were blessed by her short life.
Our love for her forever strong.
Even though...someone will always be...MISSING.

 

 

 

 

 

I Am A Mother

I've loved my child right from the start,

 

 

 

It may not be obvious to you.
I participate in family activities.
I attend family reunions.
I help plan holiday meals.
You tell me you're glad to see that I don't cry anymore.
But I do cry.
When everyone has gone - when it is safe - the tears fall.
I cry in privacy so my family won't worry.
I cry until I am exhausted and can finally sleep.
You tell me you admire my strength and my positive attitude.
But I'm not strong.
I feel that I have lost control, and I panic when I think about tomorrow
... next week
... next month
... next year.
I go about the routine of my job.
I complete my assigned tasks.
I drink coffee and smile.
You tell me that you're glad to see I'm "over " the death of my loved one.
But I'm not "over " it.
If I get over it, I will be the same as before my loved one died.
I will never be the same.
At times I think I am beginning to heal, but the pain of losing someone I loved so much has left a permanent scar on my heart.
I visit my neighbours.
You tell me you're so glad to see I'm holding up so well.
But I'm not holding up well.
Sometimes I want to lock my door and hide from the world.
I spend time with friends.
I appear calm and collected.
I smile when appropriate.
You tell me it's good to see me back to my "old self ".
But I will never be back to my "old self ".
Death and grief have touched my life, and I am forever changed.

 

 

 

 

I'm going to tell you something
I hope you'll never have to know.
I'll tell you how a heart can break
And tears can constant flow.
I lost my baby girl you see,
An angel in my eyes
God chose to take her hand one day
And led her to the skies.
But please do not forget my child
She was a person too
And forever she will live
Inside of me and you.
So, please don't ever tell me
That time will heal my pain
Because not even time
Can bring her back again.
Just tell me she is happy
In that land way up above
She's snuggled in an angels wings
All wrapped in Mommy's love.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

WITH OUT ME

 

When tomorrow starts with out me

And I'm not there to see

If the sun should rise and find

Your eyes filled with tears for me

I wish that you woulden't cry

The way you did today

While thinking of the many things

That we did not get to say

I now how much you loved me

As much as I loved you

And each time you think of me

I now that you miss me too

But when tomorrow starts with out me

Please try to understand

That an angel came and called my name

And took me by the hand, and said that

My place was ready in heaven far above

And that I have to leave those I dearly love

So when tomorrow starts with out me

Don't think we are far apart

For every time you think of me

I will always be in your heart.

 

 

 

 

 

1. I wish my baby hadn't died. I wish I had her back.
2. I wish you wouldn't be afraid to speak my baby's name. My baby lived and was very important to me. I need to hear that she was important to you also.
3. If I cry and get emotional when you talk about my baby, I wish you knew it isn't because you have hurt me. My baby's death is the cause of my tears. You have talked about my baby, and you have allowed me to share my grief. I thank you for both.
4. Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn't shy away from me. I need you now more than ever.
5. I need diversions, so I do want to hear about you; but I also want you to hear about me. I might be sad and I might cry, but I wish you would let me talk about my baby, my favorite topic of the day.
6. I know you think of and pray for me often. I also know that my baby's death pains you too. I wish you would let me know those things through a phone call, a card or note, or a real big hug.
7. I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over in six months. These first months are traumatic for me, but I wish you could understand that my grief will never be over. I will suffer the death of my baby until the day I die.
8. I am working very hard on my recovery, but I wish you could understand that I will never fully recover. I will always miss my baby, and I will always grieve that he is dead.
9. I wish you wouldn't expect me "not to think about it" or to "be happy." Neither will happen for a very long time, so don't frustrate yourself.
10. I don't want to have a "pity party," but I do wish you would let me grieve. I must hurt before I can heal.
11. I wish you understood how my life has shattered. I know it is miserable for you to be around me when I am feeling miserable. Please be as patient with me as I am with you.
12. When I say, "I'm doing okay, " I wish you could understand that I don't "feel" okay and that I struggle daily.
13. I wish you knew that all of the grief reactions I'm having are very normal. Depression, anger, frustration, hopelessness, and overwhelming sadness are all to be expected. So, please excuse me when I'm quiet and withdrawn or irritable and cranky.
14. Your advise to "take one day at a time" is excellent advice. However, a day is too much and too fast for me right now. I wish you could understand that I'm doing good to handle an hour at a time.
15. Please excuse me if I seem rude, certainly it is not my intent. Sometimes the world around me goes too fast and I need to get off. When I walk away, I wish you would let me find a quiet place to spend time alone.
16. I wish you understood that grief changes people. When my baby died, a big part of me died with her. I am not the same person I was before my baby died, and will never be that person again.
17. I wish very much that you could understand-understand my loss and my grief, my silence and my tears, my void and my pain. BUT, I pray that you will never understand. 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

When God calls little children
to dwell with him above,
We mortals sometime question
the wisdom of His love.
For no heartache compares with
the death of one small child
Who does so much to make our world,
seem wonderful and mild
Perhaps God tires of calling
the aged to his fold,
So He picks a rosebud,
before it can grow old.
God knows how much we need them,
and so He takes but few
To make the land of Heaven
more beautiful to view.
Believing this is difficult still
somehow we must try,
The saddest word mankind knows
will always be "Goodbye."
So when a little child departs,
we who are left behind
Must realize God loves children,
Angels are hard to find.

 

 

  

 

As I persue the aisles, of the local store, I see things more differently, than I ever have before. "Mommy's Little Angel", the embroidered bibs do read. But, Mommy's's angel is in Heaven, and bibs she does not need. She does not need a bottle, an outfit or a toy. Of buying those things for her, we shall never know the joy. There are tiny jars of baby food, that she will never eat, And shiny little black shoes , that will never touch her feet. As the bikes and trikes taunt me, from high up on the rack, Tears will break free from my eyes, if I dare look back. I run off to the restroom, to blow my nose and cry. I wipe my eyes, swallow hard, and let out a sigh. I must go face the paper, college and wide rule, That my little angel, will never use in school. I hurry past the greeting cards, that the people chose with care, And I am reminded, of the holidays we shall not share. In the checkout line I bow my head, and heavy is my heart, For the family right in front of me, has a newborn in their cart. Shopping in the local store, used to be mundane. Now every aisle's full of items, which remind me of my pain. So, quick as I can, I give the cashier, the money from my purse, And hurry away from those who don't know my pain, in this foreignly happy universe.

 

 

 

 

 

If i could have a lifetime wish
a dream that would come true
I'd pray to God with all my heart
for yesterday and you
A thousand words can't bring you back
I know because I've tried
And neither would a million tears
I know because I've cried
You left behind a broken heart
and happy memories too
I never wanted memories
I only wanted you.

 

 My Mom is a Survivor
My mom is a survivor,
or so I've heard it said.
But I can hear her crying
when all others are in bed.
I watch her lay awake at night.
and go to hold her hand.
She doesn't know I'm with her
to help her understand.
But like the sands upon a beach
that never wash away...
I watch over my surviving mom
who thinks of me each day.
She wears a smile for others,
a smile of disguise.
But through Heaven's open door,
I see tears flowing from her eyes.
My mom tries to cope with my death,
to keep my memory alive.
But anyone who knows her
knows it's her way to survive.
As I watch over my surviving mom
through Heaven's open door...
I try to tell her that
Angel protect me forevermore.
I know that doesn't help her,
or ease the burdens she bears.
So if you get a chance, call to her
And show her that you care.
For no matter what she feels,
my surviving mom has a broken heart
that time won't ever heal.

 

 

 

PLEASE, don't ask me if I'm over it yet.
I'll never be over it.
PLEASE, don't tell me she's in a better place.
She isn't here with me.
PLEASE, don't say at least she isn't suffering.
I haven't come to terms with why she had to suffer at all.
PLEASE, don't tell me you know how I feel,
unless you have lost a child.
PLEASE, don't ask me if I feel better.
Bereavement isn't a condition that clears up.
PLEASE, don't tell me at least you had her for a little while.
When would you choose for your child to die?
PLEASE, don't tell me God never gives us more than we can bear.
PLEASE, just say you're sorry.
PLEASE, just say you remember my child, if you do.
PLEASE, just let me talk about my child.
PLEASE, mention my child's name.
PLEASE, just let me cry.